Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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