the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
