You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
