I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
