I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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