I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
