I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
