Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize