were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
