Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
