I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
