can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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