I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
