At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize