'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
