I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
