I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
