I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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