he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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