just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
