So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
