Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
