So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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