found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
