Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
