sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
