trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
