Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
