Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
