I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
