Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
