How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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