Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
