I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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