I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
