this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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