I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
