Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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