I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize