my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
