apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
