6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
