Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
