Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
