Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
