You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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