you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
