We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can you bring me the toilet please
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
