My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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