yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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