Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
