glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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