Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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