I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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