I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
