im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
