Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
