why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
