Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
