I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
