I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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