I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
