i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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