one two three fourrrrnication!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The power of my boobs compel you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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