Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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