I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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