My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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