U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
