right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
