That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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